Alexei Brock Dawson

This boy is my world. I love him so much

I give birth 2nd January 19:10 but been very busy time for us. He weight 8lb 1oz so is big boy :o) After I have  sweep I keep having pains and cramps all day and night. Next day I begin contractions but it take long time for him to come. I wanted water birth but because it take so long they take me out and prepare me for c-section. Luckily he come out with forceps because I very scared for c-section!



Induction booked


Today I went to see midwife and she book my induction for 6th January. I cry and ask her to book it for earlier but she ask why and I say I can’t do this any longer because is so uncomfortable. She tell me she cannot do earlier and and give me membrane sweep (ouch) in case it start things. It give me cramps and is still going so I lie on sofa with Coco and duvet to eat ice cream and feel sorry for myself haha.

Merry Christmas!

So happy!!!! Look at the beautiful puppy Brock get me for Christmas. I name her Coco because is pretty name for pretty girl. I always want dog and now I have one. He also buy me Michael Kors watch in rose gold which is my favorite. This is best Christmas ever and once I have this baby then everything perfect ♥ 

Later we go to see Brock family and we have sausage roll and mince pie for supper but I very full from dinner. Today baby is officially overdue so is getting uncomfortable and I have strange pain in the pelvis still. Friday the midwife feel my stomach and ask if I have pain so I say yes and she nod so baby must be in strange place or still facing wrong way. I hope baby move into correct place soon!


Day out

Brock still feel bad about fight I think because he take me for lunch today at little old fashioned tea shop that I like.We also talk about baby names and he say maybe we can use one of the names I like because he getting used to them which make me and my mother very happy when I tell her. Then after we go shopping where he buy this ring. The lady in shop ask if we get married and I say no haha. Not yet anyway.

Feeling sad


I wish my brother here with me now. He always make me smile and seem that things not so bad. I could call him but I not want to talk about fighting because it make it real and seem like things never be right again. I want to forget and have fun but there nobody here I call friend. I used to see people at work and we almost like friends but I not see them now and other girls I meet not seem to like me. Maybe I am being silly.

Fight :’o(


Me and Brock have big fight. He come home from work very late and I see there is blood on his clothes. He say he cut himself but I ask if he been fighting because I cannot see any cut. He say no and I ask what his mother think of this but he just freak out and grab me, telling me to shut up. I cry while he sleep on sofa then this morning he see bruise where he grab me and he cry too because he sorry. He not usually like this, I don’t know what get into him. Then he go out without saying where but I do not ask and he bring back beautiful flowers.

From Russia with love


My parents buy this beautiful co-sleeping crib for us :o) They send money to Brock parents and they buy and build it as surprise for us. It very easy to unzip so can keep baby separate or close. The top also come off so baby can sleep in living room or even put in the car to take to Brock parents. I really pleased with this because I like to have baby in room with us but Brock not keen on idea. Now though he cannot say no :o)

Relaxing day

Today been nice and relaxing. I go to Camila house and we watch film and eat chocolate :o) The later I go home and Brock make nice dinner for us to eat then he run me bubble bath. He not at work this next week so we can go shopping to get more sleepsuit outfit and bottles.